🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?